I don’t believe that partners have to ‘make you a better person’, ‘complete you’ (although I’ve to to admit that was a pretty cool movie line), make you happy, or provide any other fulfilment to to improve your life. Of course if this happens on its own it’s really special, I just don’t believe it is the other person’s ‘job’. I believe they should be someone who you can grow with, someone you trust explicitly, and someone who shows you respect no matter your interests or beliefs. So how do you know you may have found this special person?
Things to look for in your relationships:
- They respect your interests and beliefs. Yes, they may not find playing online checkers interesting for themselves, but they don’t ridicule you or prevent you from playing yourself.
- They want to learn about your life because they want to share it: they won’t just want to spend time alone with you, they will take a genuine interest in other parts of your life such as your friends and family. If Nanna invites you both to Sunday dinner they will go too as they know how much Nanna means to you.
- They are there for the day-to-day and the special occasions, you can be silly or serious as the need arises, and you get to experience a full range of emotions and life experiences with them. If you had a bad day at work they will listen, or they can laugh with you if you trip over your own shoe laces.
- They can talk through issues with you as they come up. When you have a disagreement, they have constructive things to say and genuinely listen to what you have to say too.
- They will grow with you and change too, but their ‘big picture’ view will be similar to yours. Nobody will have to make huge life compromises as you both have similar life destinations. When you say you want to have a child one day they won’t tell you they hate children and can’t imagine ever having one.
- They will give and take but you will know they are always willing to try.
What about you? What things would you add to the list?
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.”
— Dinkar Kalotra